Tuesday, March 20, 2007

A LETTER TO MY FRIEND

Dear B,

For some reason, you have been on my mind and on my heart this week especially. It is not your birthday, nor is it because anything significant has happened this week. I have been listening to John Legend's first album, maybe that's why. The last time I saw you, we listened to the whole album because you were convinced that every song was John Legend's way of subliminally telling people to get high. And as we listened, even though I strongly disagreed, I could see your point. And we laughed SO hard. That is my last memory of seeing you - laughing with you. I can still hear that laugh that I love.

Then we didn't talk for so long because I thought you took my friendhsip for granted. And just as we started to talk again, you disappeared. You always disappeared, but never for so long. You always found a way to call me, or to reach out. This time, you didn't. You had promised that you wouldn't do it again, but I thought to myself, "here we go again". Except, one month turned into two, two into three, three into four and then I became really worried. You had never disappeared for this long. Instinctively, I knew something was wrong.

I called your brother, but he wouldn't tell me much. I tried to find out what had happened in other ways, and didn't have too much luck. In my heart I knew what had happened but didn't want to think about it. Then yesterday, I found the report on the internet and everything was confirmed. So just over a year has passed since we last spoke, and I am now letting myself think and feel. I am upset with you because you didn't trust my friendship enough to tell me. But I am upset with myself too. I never asked you any questions because I was scared about what I would hear if you answered me. But I should have asked, even if you wouldn't have told me. I should have at least asked. I was not a good friend to you in that way and I am sorry. I don't know where you are exactly, and I don't know what is happening to you, and I don't know how to reach you. I cannot imagine what you are going through. I wonder if you still laugh in the way that you do. Or if your smile ever reaches your eyes anymore. I wonder if you're getting the best help possible. I wonder if you are safe. I wonder if you will lose the last shreds of yourself in there. I couldn't stand it if that happens. I wonder so many things that I am afraid to say out loud.

If I could have 5 minutes with you, first I would give you a nice slap and ask you what you were thinking. Then I would ask you to forgive me. I would tell you that I am your friend. No matter what, I am still the friend that grew up with you, that had lessons with you, that you shared your rare moments of emotion with. I miss you. I am always here for you. I believe in you. You have a purpose and you will fulfill it. I have no doubt. I am here for you as I have always been. Stay hopeful. Laugh often even when there is nothing to laugh about. Keep your head up. I love you. All of this and more would come tumbling out for you to hold in your heart and always remember. I am your friend in the best sense of the word. ALWAYS.

Love,
M

16 comments:

zaiprincesa said...

e ya...this is sooo touching. Isnt it funny how we sometimes take life, people, or things for granted, without even realizing it?? Its obvious you care about "B", and you wish him/her all the best. Just keep he/she in ur prayers....thats really the best you can do. Have a blessed week.

Soul said...

damn Ms May.
I don't know what to say...
so here.. I'm sending you warm thoughts and strength.

Be Well.

Tutsy said...

Is "B" an he or a she...i'm curious to know...and if so does he or she happen to reside in MD....just curious....lol...Call me crazy, but i happen to know someone that fits into this description. Dude has a lengendary talent in disappering and re-appering..and his name just happen to start with a "B"....hopefully we ain't talking about the same cat. Anywho, on a lighter note i hope things work out btwn you and your friend....but try to cheer up babe, you sounding all gloomy. Trust me, ain't no friend worth losing sleep over.

JJ said...

It is well...people come into our lives for season and for a reason, and although we all hope for things to get back to how they were life doesn't go that way. Those memories that you hold so dear should be the legacy of your friendship and i hope he/she comes to find out how you feel soon enough.

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

i think i know what you're talking about... this is quite sad... babe it'll be fine... e hug coming your way and your friends

BOBBY said...

You are so soulfull, i dont know if i ever told you that.

Continue to pray for your friend and it will be well.

Uzo said...

This is such an unbelievably beautiful post. Wow. It will be well

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Im sure he knows he's got a friend in you. Even if he remains name less to us, he is some body to you and we pray that whatver he is going through right now will end and the person he used to be returned in Jesus Name.

very heart felt touching post, reminds me to go search out my friends, who have been unable to reach me.

LondonBuki said...

Hey Ms May... this is such a touching letter.

What can I say? I hope everything works out for B.. can you send this letter to B? Have you?

All is well... x

BabsBETA said...

Selah! This is so simple but piercingly touching

londonnaijachic said...

very heartfelt!

Ms. May said...

@ zai: it's a he. thanks hon

@ soul: thanks sweetie. where r u? i miss u.

@ tutsy: he's not from MD. my friends are very important to me so this was just an opportunity to reflect and let my feelings out in a positive way. i felt a lot better afterwards.

@ jj: thanks girl. wise words.

@ onb: thanks sweetie.

@ bobby: hey girl! thanks for the words, and thanks for stopping by.

@ uzo: thanks love.

@ loascm: thanks a lot. please keep praying.

@ buki: no, i haven't sent it to him cos i don't know where he is. but i hope to be able to tell him soon...that's what i'm praying.

@ babsbeta: thank you. and thanks for stopping by. ur blog is mad cool.

@ londonnaijachic: it is from the heart. thanks for stopping by.

lolu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaiser Soze said...

Deep...Gotta learn how to live with regrets,In life we make mistakes some we get away with while others we pay for. So heads high pls.(wink)

mystoriesmytestimonies said...

i hope ur friend gets to read this one day ....
keep praying for ur friend...

well written...

Jaycee said...

wow...this is INTENSE...I feel as though I can feel ur blood boiling and the emotions pouring out slowly but surely. I hope "B" feels the same way, and I hope the situation gets better, and healing springs forth. I really don't know exactly what happened to him...but I pray both of u are healed in the process...